Caleb and I are evolving now, on separate but parallel paths.
He’s finally started to crawl, a feat that nearly had me in tears when I first witnessed it two weeks ago. He’s moving slowly, unsteadily, and very uncertainly, but he does it: one leg in front of the other. You know what they say… you have to crawl before you can walk.
And me… I’m walking. Attempting to form good habits again that got lost in Caleb’s first year. Today will be my third day getting out there and MOVING since Sunday. “Moving” should be full on running, but it’s alternating between jogging and walking right now because you also have to walk before you can run. This is something I know well and remember from my brief but glorious time as a half-marathoner who cheered the first time she ran one minute straight then went on to run an entire half-marathon just a few short months later. I’ll do it again. I’m already starting with these short and steady walk/jogs. It’s where I started the first time. It’s what got me to the end line eventually.
I discovered quickly four years ago that running is not about athleticism but about persistence and heart. I’m no athlete, but I have a lot of the latter two. In fact, I’ve always said that I’m nothing if not persistent. I have always been incredibly stubborn, a trait that I’ve now started to see forming in Caleb as well (Lord, help me!). I’ve managed to do well with it though and transform it into persistence and dedication over the last few years. When I set a goal for myself, I am persistent enough to do whatever it takes to get there, stubborn enough to refuse to stop. My motivation for fitness has been waning since I became a mother, but I’m seeing it come back finally. That fire and drive that once propelled me to do the hard things is working its way back into my life. I will lose the rest of this weight. I will run a full marathon someday, a goal that I set nearly three years ago when I completed my half. It’s just going to take work, work that I put in once and will put in again now.
One foot in front of the other, for my boy and me, both.