You gave everyone the biggest scare of our lives last week.
On Tuesday night, at exactly seven weeks, I saw the scariest sight of my life – blood. I went into panic mode, calling your daddy at work, your grandma, and your Aunt Sheena because she’s a nurse. She told me to take a pregnancy test again so grandma got us one at Wegmans while Dad was on his way home. I was relieved to see it was still positive, but was still so terrified. I called the doctor on call who told me he wanted me to come in for an ultrasound and checkup the next morning.
Daddy and I were the most scared we had ever been in our whole lives on Tuesday, but on Wednesday, we were the happiest. We saw you for the very first time, and we saw your heart beating on the screen. I was sure I had lost you, but there you were, beating your little heart in your blueberry sized body. What an amazing sight!
The next day though, with continued problems, I became frantic again. Grandma picked me up from work and rushed me back for another ultrasound while Dad was working. We saw your heart beat again, and again, I had never felt so relieved in my entire life.
Baby, you scared us so much because we want you so badly. We love you already, and seeing you made you all the more real. The day I first met your daddy when I picked him up from the airport was terrifying. I was so anxious and sick to my stomach all day. I never thought I would feel that way again, but NOTHING can compare to how we felt when we feared the worst about you. Every other fear I have ever felt in my life pales in comparison to the fear I felt for you all last week. I knew I already loved you, but I didn’t know just how much until this happened.
Even though we’ve had only small glimpses of you on a screen, even though you are itty bitty, your heart is beating, you are real, and we love you more than words. Thank you for holding on and teaching us a new kind of love.