Before and after Caleb was born, he was the inspiration in all of my writing.
Weekly pregnancy bumpdates, the struggles of new motherhood, the highs, the lows, the filling up of love. I had so many words inside of me, needing to burst out. I became, unintentionally, a “mommy blogger.”
Mommy bloggers are wonderful, and sharing my insight about motherhood was exactly what I needed. It seemed both a gift to myself and to others; I could write down how I was feeling and feel less alone. I could capture the raw emotions of the early days so I’d never forget. In the same vein, other mothers would feel less alone when they read what I was going through. I made wonderful connections and true friends.
But the problem is, I don’t like being pinned down or pigeon holed. I used to be a book blogger, but I didn’t like having a niche. I like being free to write what I want, when I want. Just as I didn’t want to be JUST a book blogger, I didn’t want to be JUST a mommy blogger. I just want be a blogger, plain and simple. That’s all.
Eventually (like… last year), Caleb turned one and privacy concerns became a real thing. I knew from the start that my postings specific to Caleb would slow down after his first birthday — that was the rule I set for myself. Photos of my son, while still shared, would be cut back, and intimate details of his life would become more vague and less specific. I still love to talk about him and will continue to do so, but the older he gets, the more I want to respect his privacy.
All of these things led me into a state of panic nearly a year ago now.
What will I write about?
What can I talk about?
Motherhood has become my main source of inspiration, and Caleb my muse!
I thought for sure I’d have nothing left to blog about, nothing more to say. I thought my blogging days were over now that my self-imposed rules for my writings about Caleb were in effect.
Then I realized that there are lots of things to talk about when I’m not talking about motherhood. It dawned on me that motherhood is a part of me — and a HUGE part at that — but it isn’t the whole of me. This is the other big thing about motherhood that many new moms don’t realize, and something I’ve learned along the way — you still need to be YOU. You can’t throw all of you, your whole being, into motherhood.
I feel like some people may misconstrue my words to mean I don’t care or that I’m a lousy mom. On the contrary, I think I’m a better mom BECAUSE I’m my own person than I’d be if I weren’t.
Yes, I’m a mom. Yes, it’s the most important thing I am now. Yes, I love my child and would sacrifice any and every thing for him…
but I’m not JUST a mom.
Hi, I’m Steph, and I’m a mom. I’m also a librarian. I love learning. I thoroughly enjoyed college and am the proud owner of an MLS degree. Books are my passion in life, and so is writing. I’ve blogged since 2009 and have loved every minute of it. I have a husband, and he’s pretty cool. We love horror movies and good food. I’m sarcastic and funny. I’m an introvert – large crowds and parties make me preeeeeetty uncomfortable. I have a couple of close friends and I love my family – that’s really all I need. Chocolate is my weakness. So is cheese. Oh, and pasta too. Dogs make my heart pitter patter and I have a fur son named Dakota. Reality TV is the best kind of TV; I always get sucked in. I’m a proud homeowner with a love of budgeting. I have some OCD tendencies but you can call me quirky if you’d prefer. I’m a lover of all things primitive and rustic. I desperately want to own an old farmhouse, but in the meantime, I’ve decorated my house in that style as best I can with vintage, and primitives, and mason jars galore. Oh, and also a barn door wall. I’ve struggled with weight my entire life. I lost a ton before I had Caleb, then gained lots back, and now I’m trying to find a happy medium. I’m a lapsed runner and half-marathoner, always trying to get back to it. Right now, I’m really into clothes and dressing my body in a way that makes me like it a little more. I’m kind of complex and confusing and I find myself having lots of deep thoughts. I sit and think a hell of a lot more than I talk. I’d almost always rather be reading. And I have anxiety, though I don’t let it get in my way much.
And there you have it… a list of things I talk about when I don’t talk about motherhood. Because we’re all more complex than we think. Because we’re made up of a million parts that somehow make a whole. Because none of us are defined by any one thing, but rather, a ton of little things.
I’m a mother — a DAMN proud mother — but I’m a lot of other things too. I’m more than what I thought I was, and probably you are too.