I feel like most fat people, myself included, are in a perpetual state of “trying to lose weight.” Rarely have I met a fat person who is content with who they are, who isn’t on a diet of some sort, and isn’t trying to find more motivation to work out.
Why is that?
I guess it’s because when you’re a fat person, that seems to be what defines you most. Not voluntarily, of course, but to other people. I feel like when someone sees you and you’re big, that’s all they really think they need to know about you. They don’t care about who else you are, what makes you YOU… they just see your size and that’s it. Prior to being married, I always felt like most guys would just write me off because of my size and didn’t care to get to know me. I wasn’t valid as an option simply because I was fat. I wouldn’t even be considered and they didn’t even know me yet.
I’m here to say that a body is just a body. A body is what houses YOU…. you being your personality, your soul, your spirit, your interests, passions and the things that set you on fire. A body is like the box that contains a gift. It holds you in but it isn’t actually who you are. The gift is inside the box and the box isn’t as important as what’s inside of it.
If someone chooses not to know me and doesn’t want to take the time because of the way I look, I feel like they’re missing out. I am more than just fat.
I am funny. Ridiculously so. Some of it stems from my being fat – I always felt like I needed to compensate for that somehow, so being funny was a good thing to be. People appreciate humor, even if they don’t appreciate the way I look. I needed to be good for something, didn’t I?
I am thoughtful. In a lot of ways. I care about my loved ones and think of ways I can make them happy. I am thoughtful in other ways too, in that I am compassionate and empathetic and think about the struggles and needs of other people. When I see someone who is lonely or struggling, or see a dog who needs a home, I am sometimes moved to near tears.
I am smart. I like to think I am intelligent, educated, and wise. I read up on a huge variety of subjects and am well versed in a lot of topics. I have a variety of interests and do a lot of research.
I am successful. I work hard and am proud of my career in librarianship. I am an expert in adult fiction and marketing, and am always growing in my field. I run a somewhat successful blog and have just started my own little business. I work hard and set goals and pursue dreams.
I am passionate. To the point where I become obsessive. My biggest passions are reading and writing, but I have a few others too. I know what I love and everyone else knows it too.
I am stubborn. I know what I want and I am determined and driven. Sometimes my stubborn personality can be frustrating but other times it has brought me great success.
I am a wife. I am a mom. A daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend. I am a niece. I am a granddaughter. A cousin, a coworker.
I am a homeowner. I am a writer.
I love primitives and farmhouses, horror movies, and dessert. I enjoy reality TV and own too many books. My closet is bursting because recently, I love clothes. Maybe I don’t look as fantastic in them as I’d like to, but my body deserves nice things too. Even though I want to lose weight and plan on doing it again, my size shouldn’t matter as much as it does. Because all of those things I just talked about? I was all of them when I was skinny, and I’m all of them when I’m fat, too. None of that has changed at all, and they’re bigger, more significant parts of me than my size has ever been.
I am a lot of things. Fat may be one of them, but I am more than just fat. In fact, fat is the least important of them all.