I get it. I almost hate it myself, considering I got down to 152 pounds before my pregnancy, after a 118 pound weight loss.
Except, I can’t really hate it considering where I’m coming from.
At the start of my journey in January 2012, I found myself at my heaviest weight ever: 270 pounds. And at the end of my pregnancy, I found myself back in the 200s and dangerously close again to where I started: 232 pounds.
So consider that I used to weigh 270 pounds. Also consider that I used to weigh 232 pounds at the end of my pregnancy. Both of these considered? Maybe 199.2 isn’t so bad… for now at least, since I don’t intend to stay here either.
Those of us in the formerly-obese weight loss community have a big destination in mind. It’s called “Onederland,” and as the name implies, it means getting your weight into the hundreds. When I weighed 152 pounds, I never thought I would be back in the 200s again, but one too many pregnancy cravings and a lack of activity found me back there and I wasn’t happy about it. I’ve been eagerly anticipating arriving back in Onederland, and I finally landed back there again today with my weekly weigh-in. It’s the first time I’ve been back since probably the mid-point of my pregnancy or so, and man does it feel good to be back!
Honestly, if I thought weight loss was hard the first time around, it’s got NOTHING compared to weight loss post-pregnancy. Before, weight loss was my top priority and I worked out 5-6 days a week for an hour or more. I lost anywhere from 1-4 pounds a WEEK! Now, I have almost no time or energy to work out, and exercise has taken a back seat to caring for my son. But I also know that taking care of myself is one of the greatest things I can do for him. I want to lead an active and healthy lifestyle so I can be a good role model for him and so I can comfortably play and chase him around. I want to be healthy and fit so I can live a long life and watch him grow. I need to make my health and wellness a priority not only for me, but for my son too, so my excuses seriously need to go out the door.
Yes, weight loss is extremely difficult now, and I typically only lose around 2 pounds a month these days. And yes, it’s hard to get those work outs in, but I’ve re-committed to doing this so I can be the best version of me again. Yes, it IS about looking good and feeling good, but it’s also about being the best and healthiest version of me, and the best and healthiest mom I can be too. For those reasons, I am pushing myself to rediscover my passion for running and fitness. While I once was in half-marathon training mode and running several days a week, miles and miles at a time, I am now aiming for two brief run/walks a week. I’ve got to retrain my legs and lungs responsibly so I don’t injure myself by pushing too hard to start.
In time, I WILL be back at that half-marathon fitness level. I WILL be back in the 150s again, too. I have no doubt in my mind about it. Right now though, I’d say I’m in the in-between. I’m DEFINITELY not 270 pounds again, but I’m also not 152. My old clothes don’t fit so I’ve had to purchase a small temporary wardrobe. I also have a few shirts that ALMOST fit, marked “Destination: 190,” which I’ll try on again when I reach 190. Instead of always looking at the bigger picture of 150, I like to look at the small pictures and work towards those little goals one at time. The goal until today was getting out of the 200s again. The next goal is 190.
So… that’s where I’m at right now. I’m back in Onederland, a much coveted destination. I’ve had to fight extremely hard for every single pound and ounce lost this time around. Things are slow but things are also good. I have a hell of a long way to go still to get back to where I was with both my weight and fitness levels… but I AM going, and I don’t intend on stopping. And for as far as I have to go still, I’ve come a long way too. I’ll choose to look at what I’ve lost instead of what I have left to lose.
From where I’m standing, it’s looking okay. It’s looking hopeful, even.